Magical moments :)

Sometimes things just happen and then when you wake up the next day, you don’t recognise the person you were the previous night. Its all nice and great to ‘go with the flow’ or ‘revel in the moment’ but what happens when the bubble bursts?
You change, they change, everything around you changes… or is it just you? Your perception, an experience you’ve had that will stick forever.
Is ‘having an experience’ about something really such a great thing? I mean, for instance you have a great relationship with someone and then you get dumped or things don’t work out and you breakup, you have an experience now and you’ll always keep running away from relationships, won’t you? If you tell me ‘That’s not true’ then I’ll say ‘Balls to you!’ and advice you to not read further.
Yea so this is about this strange thing that has been happening. Feels great but is so strange. I mean one conversation, there was undeniably some potential the last two times we spoke too, but one conversation, random, so much happened and I was left with just one thing to say – Magical. Nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I think it is the music, the voice the feelings behind every word, there might be nothing actually, but then it just was so magical. So much in common, so much to say and yet we said nothing, I thought to myself,
Doesn’t music makes saying things you can’t, easier. Oh yea that’s confusing, but it did make sense that day, night whatever!
So well here we are, people telling you that its just a rebound, not one, but four, and what do you do? You go ahead. Why? Coz its just so perfect, there can’t be any hidden cosmic controversy here. Its all nice and cute and he’s just perfect.
You know you’ll be at the losing end again, don’t you? Yea, of course. But you still go ahead? Course, afterall, you dance when its time to dance and the mind should go when its time to dance. Oh and yea other dancers may be on the floor, (referring to someone and the other someone and the third someone) but my eyes will see only you.
DAMN why do things fall in place just when you don’t want them to!!!!?
And then I get back home at two and I sooo want to call AB and tell him how beautiful the whole night was and want to cry and laugh and explain how it was so much fun to whisper those stupid ‘sweet nothings’ to eachother and how it was the best evening I’ve EVER had but I don’t and go to sleep. I get a msg in the moring from AB telling me he’s breaking up with his babe! I mean whom do I tell this to now??? Why!
Anyway, for now I’m visibly ‘sway’ed.

Pain

She told me she had something to tell me, something really personal. We fixed up a table at the coffee shop near school. He hadn’t called me for a long time, a week or so, saw him at school but he was always with someone or the other so I couldn’t really talk to him. She was acting weird, he was acting weird, why didn’t I guess? I cursed myself after she told me everything, for being really dumb. It was right there in front of me, just like it was even this time. However, sometimes you can’t help yourself, you just get your hopes high, and then end up cursing yourself for doing that. This time, nothing was different, except for the fact that last time I didn’t know anything before it happened, this time I did. There’s a difference, you might say, I say no, it was just the same. Plain, clear and painful.
So we met at the coffee shop that bright afternoon. She was dressed differently. A complete transformation one would say. I remember pleading with her, in my mind of course ‘I know what has happened, don’t tell me please, I’ll die.’ She spoke, I heard, my mouth was dry, I was shivering, a tear rolled out, I wipped it away as she turned to call the waiter. She laughed aloud when she saw with fidgeting with the fork. Wasn’t different this time, was it? I sat with my hands fixed on the keyboard, frozen, couldn’t move them even if I did. Like last time I prayed and pleaded that he’d suddenly surprise me saying it is all a prank and stupid big fat joke that everyone’s playing. A repeat of the same feeling I had at the coffee shop that day, I thought he’d jump out from behind the pillar and curse me for believing it, would tell me, ‘did you really think I’d do such a thing? You claim to be my friend, this is how much you know me?” and I’d tell him “Maybe the credit goes to her for putting it in such a believable way.” Nothing of that sort happened, not even this time. I question myself, why does it bother me so much? Isn’t it their life? Didn’t he tell you he’s just your friend? Even this time, didn’t he? Then why do you cry, you stupid person? I get a response, the lady in the locket says, ‘Maybe it IS the choices you make, that show who you truly are.” What it means, I can’t comphrehend at the moment and continue listening to coldplay, hoping sleep shall come and then when I wake up, I won’t be stuck in reverse anymore.

more than something

Sometimes you are caught between so many things, so many feelings, all of a different nature, you find yourself wondering how you landed up there, whether it was entirely your fault? Maybe it was, but maybe it was a just one of those cosmic strategies created to show you where you are, who you are and what is going on around you. You then take off the coloured glasses and there you have it, plain, just two colours, black and white. You then have to choose your side, for as alluring as the black side is, you know you will remain on the white. Yea all of us want to stay on the black end, wannabe blackies that we are, but well, you are what you choose to be, and you know that you'll never choose to be on the black end if you ever had to choose between black and white.
And somewhere in the background, the coors sing, 'Go on, go on, make me breathless..." you wonder why?
"Can you please come up sheetal??"
A sniff and a sad voice requests, as if out of desperation that comes about only when your're terribly distraught and have no where to go, or no one to call.
Empty blue chair, "In a minute"
The trauma, the pain, you see it but don't feel it, coz there's another surprize, full of hope of course waiting for u in a few hours... u've been there haven't u, those days when he didn't speak to u... when he said, "we should both take a break, we're always there, chatting and stuff, we need a break." (something similar atleast) and you walked into office with a heavy heart, as you sat there tears rolled and as weird as it was, no one noticed, you saw him online, but u sat there, quiet, short whimpers, that went unnoticed... scary days those were, weren't they?
"I want to go away. Just run away."
Stop. Don't smile. Yes you've said that a million times, you want to smile and remember those days, coz u assume that whatever he says will be happy and yay, like you know *evil laughter*
had u known then that a few hours and u'd be in a pathetic situation, would you have stayed there, talking and convincing her that all would be fine? would you have taken her into your arms and hugged her? just stayed there, holding her tight as she shivered and wailed, cried her heart out..?
but hugs...
"Help me find it, and i will hug you :P okay no, that's mean. I will hug you anyway but if you can help me, i'll hug you again."
HUH??? really? You actually said that?
oh yea u have soooo many things to say about that don't u. But maybe u shouldn't.
He sings, "How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember, some dance to forget..."
I just love the music that follows, just so so love it, I wish I could just erase everything and restart, can I?
Damn, there isn't one good song on my phone, that can sum up exactly what I want to say, what am i looking for?
"Honey, these are the moments that make me want to grab a smoke. It helps, helps you soo much. But I'm not letting you smoke."

"Sudeep, can I talk to u for a minute?"
"course, come sit. Got some time, huh? Tell me,"
"Why do you smoke? What does it do to you? How does it help?"
"*broad grin* is this something for a survey, your newsletter, an article for some newspaper... oh but ur with ibn now, so any hidden camera?"
"No man, just tell me i'm curious. I mean all u people who smoke know its injurious and all shit right, so then why do you smoke?"
"Its calms you down, its more like a destressor."

"You know beck, i've had many dreams where i see myself smoking."
"I've quit, i could help you with brands and stuff, but wait, no don't smoke."
"You know i won't but you know its just so ahm I dono what, i think i will..."

...Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
relax, said the night man,
We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!
Wonderful wonderful... how do that do that. how can music be so so calming. It's the voice I was looking for, where words or their meanings don't matter too much, its the sound, his voice, the emotions that it stirs with you...

"We'll go for a nice dinner before you leave."

"She showed me this beautiful picture, so perfect."

"You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open"

"But you're not going to meet me on wednesday right?"
"I'm doing nothing on wednesday. We can meet."
"But you said you're going to be packing and all?"
"No I think we can meet."
"Cool. We'll go for a movie and then we'll go to pascucci for lunch?"

"I didn't have balance,"
"You have a landline."
"You wanted me to message from a landline?"

Really, you actually said that? why did you do that?

"Sheetal, once i'm back, will you come by and stay with me for a few days, till I feel alright?"
"I will, I'll be there for u, don't worry, all will be fine."

Will it?

"No we've called it off. People at home are looking for some other proposals. I've told them I don't want to get married now, want to take a break."
"It'll all be fine."

Will it?

"Honey I haven't met him for over a week. Do you think he'll be there at coffee house?"
"Don't worry, he'll come by."

Really?

Why did this happen? Ashleyy, you didn't hint at any of it, nothing, just told me to stay away from relationships that hurt, that won't work out. I didn't listen to you.

"You were pissed, thats your problem!"
"You need to deal with it, it just won't go away. You have to deal with it."

what fun!

RIP MJ

From days when we spent evenings locked up in the room trying to get the moon walk right, to screaming ‘Beat it, beat it’ every single morning just to get the owner angry… I still remember those funny evenings when we’d dress up just like him and watch all his actions over and over again, getting photos clicked with the same styling like him… playing the audio cassette of thriller right in the morning and giving grandpa a shock… we literally grew up listening to all his songs didn’t we? I’ll miss you Jacko… :’(

Sometimes you just have all the answers in your head and all ur doing it dodging the answers, trying to fight the pressure that 'the truth' puts on you and then you keep fighting and refusing to believe it and then 'the truth' becomes this mute entity, hanging like jesus christ does in a church. its there and its just there, regardless of whether u want to beleive in his presence or not. So anyway sometimes you have the answers and choose not to believe them, and at other times, someone shoves it down ur throat and you believe it. Weird isn't it???

Hooked to the giant

Sometimes you are so stuck to something that you can’t let go even when you want to and then the hook breaks. And after it breaks you wonder why you were pulling and tugging so much when you could have just stayed there quietly, being stuck… but happy.
And all you do is poke the giant every now and then, he doesn’t wake up, doesn’t do anything, just snores away. Then when you’re least expecting it the giant wakes up and rips your throat apart. Then, then well you die. Or remain a headless zombie all your life… But there’s no life. Damn! I wish the giant turned into a cute person, would be so much fun. Actually it’s an adorable giant so well I wonder why the giant gets offended everytime you mention something. Stupid big fat giant!!!

white love...

Black and a deep shade of blue, and then the blast of redish pink, like the colour of the sky after the sun has set… sitting and watching colours swirl in front of you. Wait.
Were they colours or feelings?
Were they real or a dream?
Its anything but white, white stands for love right? A pure colour, but to have white love it takes you a lifetime and sometimes more… who said love was red? It can’t be, red love is incomplete love where your heart cries, white is the complete love without any expectations and without any combinations. It is just plain, clear and white… like pearls found deep down inside the ocean. hidden betwee layers and layers of sand and dirty water hitting past them a hundered million times, but when you find them and wipe them, they are WHITE without a crack or without turning brown and dirty...
White love