Tuesday, August 05, 2008

In lonely hours...

Last nite I was lying down, the night air brushing past my face from the open windows behind me. I stare at the starless sky, the moving clouds, the dark sky...somewhere above there he sits, he who has so many answers. What would I not give to spend some time with him, ask him so many questions about why I have to not know how it will all end... the phone rings, hope its him, please let it be him, please please...its not!!! Stupidness thrown at my face from the glowing damn phone.
Is duniya mein dost kam milenge,
Is duniya mein gam hi gam milenge,
Jaha duniya najar fer legi,
Us mode par tumhein ham milenge
What the fuck! AND this comes from this weirdo whom I haven spoken to since the past 10 years!!! do u get the irony?
Anyway so thats it, the phone goes below the pillow and the sky gazing continues...every night I noticce a new thing, a new realisation...that happens when I talk to him too, my mind says. shhh I say, thats it I've seen it...I'm trying to figure out what it exactly is.
The phone rings...I hope its him, shit atleast this time...please god please. The phone, shit I can't find it...damn NOT AGAIN. oh, its just her. so blah... I mean she thinks I'm in love...'blah' I reply...First mistake: Never say blah to someone who's trying to help.
The phone rings just the next minute, shit! I don't even wanna pray its him coz its not going to happen. Its a bomb the ranting continues...my eyes wander from the message.

Im looking for something, can't find it...oh stop - what am I looking for? I don't know.
Why? Why always? Everytime...Its not fair!
"Life never is!"
who's it?
"Its me...I'm right here you can't see me but I know...I always know."
Tell me, tell me please...give me the answers
"Oh you will know everything when the time comes..."
Shit she's reading my thoughts!!!
Tell me no...please u can't do this to me!
"haha...stop acting like a baby. and please get a life, stop asking about the same things always...he's bored now."
He's bored? Who's bored? Damn can't anyone EVER give me straight answers?
"God! He's bored with your silly questions, he sent me here to remind you that your wasting your time, get started on doing something worthwhile. My personal opinion - get a life and stop being an ass! I mean there are just so many others, why ask for someone who doesn't even bother about you."
shut up and leave me alone. Who asked you to give me your opinion?
"Ungrateful humans!!!"
watever, now jus go! I'd rather not have you give me ur nonsense.
"I'm supposed to stay with you...forever, to guide you and help you with your problems. He sent me, who wants to stay with a nasty little pig like you anyway. I mean look at your room...clothes, books, papers, cds, pens...yuck! And 'Ms.I-will-do-something' wants to change the world. Listen to me, the change starts hear, SETTLE YOUR ROOM FIRST, we'll think about the world later, hahaha."
Patience...keep quiet...avoid...don't bother...its all a dream...she's not here....she din't say that...SHIT she said that!!!
U DAMN BITCH! GET OUT, I DON'T CARE!!! I DON'T NEED YOU. I DON'T NEED ANYONE...I have a mother who yells about all that jazz anyway. JUST GO!!!
"whatever!!! Have a good sleep. oh I forgot, the pig doesn't feel sleepy nowadays, another problem I need to solve huh??? and she shouts like she doesn't need me... oh now she cries...awhhh my little nasty baby!!!"

Please please I hope she's gone...shit if she's around I'm going away...
"Empty threats again?"
I don't care, who are you?
"Me, well I'm...ah you can call me GOD, if you want."