When you're gone...

Ever faced a situation when two women tell you things that you are supposed to do and not supposed to do and both of them tell you completely opposite things?
What do you do then? Whatever you do, DO NOT let both of them know what the other said. This is probably the second time in 5 months that I feel stuck.
Two characters. Both independent, happy woman. both of them highly crazy! They have the best solutions but whom do you listen to?
The problem is that both of them have no clue about each others existence. They've never met, but know each others names, professions and purpose in life. Fortunately or unfortunately their top priority in life matches - GETTING MARRIED and living happily ever after. Well they've been living with the sweet-girl-next-door image but have given me death threats more than 50 times already. They're both highly violent and dangerously uncontrollable. While one gets drunk and says things like, "My lovely strawberry, I can't live without you..." the other is obsessed with fitness. She'll get dressed with her gloss and liner at 2 in the night to head to her gym and then suddenly realize that its only 2 and go back to sleep - after she has removed all the make up and applied moisturizer all over again. Its wonderful knowing both of them, but there are too many things you shouldn't do with them around, too much thinking, too much planning even before you decide to talk to them casually.
First thing you need to remember is to never discuss one when you are with the other. You might get strangled and killed and dragon sized nails will haunt your dreams forever. There are very good chances that you might end up drinking diet coke for the rest of your life too. However, there is an easier way to end your life, that involves minimum violence - simple, go to them with a problem. Damn these women should have a 'highly-life-threatening-pieces' board around their necks. The problem doesn't remain a problem anymore once it is destined to be heard in their court of law. Initially you might find their reactions hilarious, but trust me its a pain when you are forced to push it forward...
The problem is that both of them have a person they fantasize about, feel happy and sad about and you are always the second option, even when their guys are busy doing something else. Being in a relationship isn't fun. When they aren't trying to finish work and escape from office, they are working on assignments that are to be submitted next month, "I can spend more time with him if i'm done with this work now," apparently. That is understandable but cutting your me-time so u can make it us-time is the most irritating thing ever, maybe coz I fit in during their me-time. Everything becomes 'us' and 'we'. Oh we went to this place and we went to that place, we did this and we jumped in to the well. Damn it! They want to have wonderful dreams about their partners but have pathetically disturbed sleep all year round coz either they are fantasizing about what they want to do tomorrow or are planning how to lose 5 more kilos to keep their guy hooked to them forever and ever! Temporarily OCDed to their guy and their happy lives without any space for a loser someone who is forever depressed and writes weird stories that they don't have time to read.
Now they are going away forever and ever and will never have time to discuss anything with me anymore, both have finally decided that they are going to get married. One is off to Singapore on December 8th and the other will be leaving on December 9th. I’m sad, I dono what to do, should I feel sad that they’re leaving me forever, like ‘everyone’ else or happy coz they have finally achieved the purpose of their existence?
Shit its sad, I could call them at 2 in the night to share some gossip and talk to them about all kinds of non sense, now what do I do? This is so stupid! I hate it when people go away!!!